bet I can make you laugh

[st.gregory]

Hey everyone! Post in this thread jokes, funny photos, videos, anything and everything about the lighter side of gambling :)

[st.gregory]

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he's in serious financial trouble. He's so desperate he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray... 'God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lottery.'

Lottery night comes and somebody else wins it.

Joe again prays... 'God, please let me win the lottery! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well.'

Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck.

Once again, he prays... 'My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lottery this one time so I can get my life back in order.'

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of God Himself: 'Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.'

___

A blonde is in Vegas vacationing with her friends. She walks to a candy machine and puts in two coins. She turns the knob and a candy bar falls out.

She picks up the candy bar and puts it in her pocket. Then she puts two more coins into the slot and turns the knob; again a candy bar falls out and she puts it in her pocket.

The blonde smiles, puts two more coins into the machine and again turns the knob, producing yet another candy bar.

A man has been watching from a short distance away and walks up to the blonde. He says, `Excuse me, miss, what are you doing?`

The blonde replies, 'Duh! I'm winning here!'
___

Have you heard the touching story of the young man who said to his girlfriend, 'I bet you wouldn't marry me?'

The story goes that she not only called his bet, but raised him five!

[tinkerbell]

Hahaha! Love it! Here's my contribution :)

A man walks into a bar and notices a poker game at the far table. Upon taking a closer look he sees a dog sitting at the table. This peaks his curiosity and he walks closer and sees cards and chips in front of the dog.

Then the next hand is dealt and cards are dealt to the dog. Then the dog acts in turn with all the other players, calling, raising, discarding, everything the other human players were doing.

However none of the other players seemed to pay any mind to the fact that they were playing with a dog, they just treated him like any other player. Finally the man could not longer hold his tongue so between hands he quietly said to one of the players, "I can't believe that dog is playing poker, he must be the smartest dog in the world!"

The player smiled and said, "He isn't that smart, every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail."

http://www.myspacecomedy.com/images/poker-images/poker-dog.jpg

[Kara Adams]

Awwwwwww. You're a cute little puppy, aren't you? Yeaaaaaah :p

[aceofspade]

the voice of God Himself: 'Joe, meet Me halfway on this. Buy a ticket.'

there is so much truth in that :p

[aceofspade]

hey I got one! from youtube...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPIuytOe3ms

[harold]

Why Being A Poker-Player Is Like Being A Cartoon Viking...

http://raiseorfold.cardgrrl.com/uploaded_images/Hagar_The_Horrible-765759.gif

[lovelyliz]

hey I got one! from youtube...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPIuytOe3ms

Oh, that is so priceless! And he's a pro? Good way to end a game though :)

[stewpot]

The craps table at the casino was empty, and the two dealers were getting bored waiting for players to arrive. Suddenly a gorgeous big-busted brunette shows up and says

"Hey boys, what about me betting my $20,000 on a single roll of dice". "Sure" they replied, smiling confidently. "Just one more thing" she added "I feel much luckier when I play completely naked". And in a flash, she stripped off all her clothes, then rolled the dice while yelling "Come on baby, momma needs new clothes!" As soon as the dice stopped, she started jumping up and down, giving each of the dealers a big bosom hug while yelling "OH YES, IVE WON, IVE WON, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT." With that, she picked up her winnings and clothes and ran off. The dealers just stared at each other, open-mouthed. Finally one of them asked the other, "What the heck did she roll anyway?" " How should I know" said the second dealer, "I thought you were watching the dice!"

[chuckie]

The phone ****s and the doctor hears his colleagues familiar voice at the other end. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispers the doctor. As he hurriedly puts on his coat, his wife asks, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, pretty serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three other doctors are over there already!"

[brandon]

momma needs new clothes!

that's an oldie but goodie :)

[huffnpuff]

Two Irish mates, OBrien and Shannon, agree to play the slot machines at the casino. When each of them spends the allotted money, they agree, theyll sit on the bench in front of the casino to wait for their friend.

Shannon starts to feed the machines, which gobble up his money double-quick. Before he knows it, hes sitting on that bench, and waiting. He waits and waits, but OBrien is not coming out. After what seems like an eternity, he spots OBrien stagge**** out of the casino, loaded down with a huge sack of coins.

"Hey, Shannon", said OBrien, "how did you make out"? "
"Well, you can see me here on this bench. But I see you hit it big-time"!
"You bet," said OBrien, "boy, what a machine I found! And lucky not too many people know about it, cos its right at the back. You just cant lose! EVERY TIME YOU PUT IN A DOLLAR, FOUR QUARTERS COME OUT!!"

[bennie]

Ha ha ha!!! That one's right up there with the blond with the candy machine joke!

[beached]

didn't do well tonight... so to cheer myself up...

http://www.777.com/files/The_King_of_Poker_comic.jpg

http://www.777.com/files/B****_Me_To_Your_Chip_Leader.jpg

and how I currently feel..

http://www.777.com/files/Gambling_Is_A_Warm_Gun_comic.jpg

no. someone didn't pool the plug. I made a stupid mistake and lost a huge sum :(

switching to kicking self in butt mode

[tommmy]

ouch! tough luck, dude. here's how I'm feeling right now

http://www.cartoonstock.com/lowres/jkn0375l.jpg

don't think I'll be getting any sleep soon :D

[sylvia]

Ha ha ha!!! That one's right up there with the blond with the candy machine joke!

oh no! I'm blond and now have another one to add to the long list of bad blond jokes :p

[chuckie]

There are three types of blackjack players ... those that can count and those that cannot. Guess which one I am :D

[coolasice]

Question: What is the difference when praying in church and when praying in the casino?

Answer: When praying in the casino you really mean it!

[li'l jinx]

George was down on his luck in Las Vegas. He had gambled away all his money and had to borrow a dime from another gambler just to use the men's room. He walked into the men's room and to his surprise, the stall was open. Feeling better about his luck, he used his last dime in a slot machine and hit the jackpot.

Wealthy beyond his wildest dreams, George went on the lecture circuit, where he told his incredible story. He told his audiences that he was eternally grateful to his benefactor, and if he ever found the man he would share his fortune with him. After months of lectures, a man in the audience jumped up and said, "I'm that man. I was the one who gave you the dime."

George replied, "You're not the one I'm looking for. I'm looking for the guy who left the bathroom stall open!"

[tommmy]

"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one."
- Jack Yelton

[aceofspade]

Ten Signs You Are Obsessed With Online Gambling

1. When your English professor says the author made his point; you ask if he pressed or not.

2. You show up early at the bakery to take advantage of the hot rolls.

3. You go into a 7-11 and ask to play the "don't."

4. You go to a hockey game and wonder what happened to the dealers and boxman.

5. When your kid says math "came easy" today, you ask if it was a 4,6,8 or 10.

6. When an ambulance passes with flashing lights, you assume someone hit a "hand pay."

7. You go into a shoe store and ask if they have 4, 6, or 8 deck.

8. You hear the bible story where Lazarus is told to "Come out", and you ask for a 2-way C & E.

9. You wonder if a salad shooter is really a gambling device.

10. When the bartender asks if you want a "double", you say not against an ace.